Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
