Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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