don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
