Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
