You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
