A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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