It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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