There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize