What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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