I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
