I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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