I can't watch pbs sober anymore
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
