I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
3 2 1 whiskey
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
