I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
