my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He shit in the fireplace
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
