gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She needs sedatives and a leash
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
