I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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