I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
