good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
its not stalking. its research.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
