is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
