New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
