My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
