I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
barbara walters just said penis...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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