I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
