It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
