Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i came on her dog
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
