Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
