After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
