Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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