her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
