Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Never underestimate the power of titties
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