Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
