I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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