hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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