it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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