I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
