Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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