does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I booty called her while she was in labor.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize