those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
