Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
