Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
