i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
