I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
