I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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