Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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