I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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