One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
