I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
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Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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