dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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