I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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