my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
