If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
