I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
