FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
