Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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