Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.