We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.