when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
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Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
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Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool