i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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