I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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