I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
