he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things