I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?