I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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