Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
