Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
