hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
