I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
