Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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