I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
