We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Are my feet made of real feet?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
