Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
