I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
40s are totally the cure
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
