I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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