You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you guys were way drunker than both of me
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
