apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
