nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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