we're blogging at a bar
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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