is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
