the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
