its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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