I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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