You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
