I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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