Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
