Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
