She went from zero to smokin in five shots
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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